Life

As it is right now life seems to be good however I know could be so much better.  I struggle with alcoholism or perhaps it’s just selfishness on my part.

I say daily I’m not going to drink and will quit smoking. Through my journey of wanting to stop I’ve done a lot of beating myself up for doing or not doing something I know I shouldn’t or should have done.

As I walk this street and on this path my relationship with the Lord stays amazing. He is always here with me no matter what I do. Still talks to me plain as day with messages through scripture or people.

After being completely sober for 7 weeks I got lonly and decided to go be social with my friends on the street. That turned into a 6 day benge, had two bags stolen, broke my phone and on the 6th day ended up with a black eye.

I always have said out here on the street I have nothing to worry about because the angels watch my things I have nothing to be scared of because the angels are always protecting me. This is all true. However being disobedient to the Lord he was showing me what would happen and did happen. He was trying to get my attention to stop.

I could not get mad about anything that had happened it was my fault for drinking again.

Part of all of this is….. I wanted to be that leader that could prove the statement “you are who you hang out with” was not true. I wanted to be the person that was able to prove that its all self and in the way we think.

Clearly I failed. I still know it can be done. I know a lot of what I say could be who however if said correctly it isn’t all ego.

After breaking my phone I quit working my business. I felt that without a phone and only 2 hours at the library wasn’t enough to get anything done with in my business. I put it all on hold, and was praying for a new phone.

I didn’t want to sit on my butt so I decided to start volunteering. I know I need to make money however I just feel like im working with the Lord. I worked 3 weeks straight 5:30am to 9:30 pm. With breaks between breakfast lunch and dinner. I’ve gotten to know a lot of people out here and do a lot for them as a lot of them help me to in so many ways.

I still was drinking in fact this is the first day I have not drink in almost 4 weeks. I don’t plan on drinking. I’m up against a wall right now. I’m ready to be whom I know I am. I’ve said that a lot. At this point I have to take full responsibility for my actions. Let my actions speak louder than my words. Its time.

I’ve never have given up on my dream of helping people. I’m not giving up now. It just time.

Thank you,

Melissa Giles

I still volunteer now. I absolutely love it.